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Nurturing Family Life in a busy world? by Reverend Murray Spackman Sunday 27th January, 2008 Lk 4: 38-44. Eph. 5:21-25, 6;1-4. Today is the last Sunday in our January series of “Christianity and the Real World.” During the past four weeks we have considered the themes of Business ethics, Conflict, and What is success? Each of those topics are ones which we would, at some stage or other have thought about, or been faced with. Today we consider a question which every one of us who has, or have had, a family, have been challenged by. It’s the question of How can we nurture family life in a busy world? The question, surely, - comes about because all of us, who are parents, and grandparents, want to do what is best for our children, and grandchildren, and yet we are faced daily with numerous choices and challenges which make that difficult. So first up, I would like us to pause for a moment and look again at the question in a little more detail. Firstly, lets look at the word Nurture. What does it mean when we talk about trying to Nurture family life? Well, to name just a few, nurture includes the actions of growing, feeding, developing , protecting and building up. Nurturing is about meeting the needs of the family. When we talk about Nurturing family life then we are thinking about all those actions which contribute to growing a healthy family, and developing relationships within a family where the members care for one another, show affection and consideration for each other; and make sacrifices for each other. Secondly, what exactly do we mean by “Family Life”? Well, in my understanding, Family Life is the term we use to describe the existence of positive and healthy relationships between parents and children. And they don’t have to be just young children. A healthy family can involve elderly parents and middle aged children, as well as grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren! When I think of the term “Family Life” there comes into my mind pictures of togetherness, sharing, cooperation, fun, involvement with each other; mutual support and encouragement. It involves each member spending time with each other, and parents, especially, giving adequate and focused time to their children. But I would like to issue a caution here! I think that as parents, we need to be realistic about what we mean by ‘Family Life’ and not beat ourselves up because, when we look back we see we weren’t perfect! None of us are perfect in this department. The third part of the question relates to the “busy world”. I don’t think any of us will have a problem trying to understand what that looks like, will we? The most common scenario by far today is where both parents are employed –and in addition to that – they have to juggle the complications of their children’s child-care or after-school care, school holidays, after-school activities, music lessons, dance lessons, sport and just hanging out with friends. Is it little wonder that some parents just burnout, and others just opt out of their marriage and family responsibilities and desert their marriage partner and their children. It all becomes too difficult, too stressful and too hard! So are there some guidelines for Nurturing family life in a busy world? I believe we can go back to the bible and find some lessons there. 1. Set some realistic Priorities. The chances are that we cannot do everything in life that we would like to do; and we may not even be able to do everything that our children would like us to do for them. Well, Tough! That’s life! Jesus didn’t meet everyone’s needs either! He certainly did a lot, and met a lot of needs, but there were times when he had to withdraw from the crowds and take time out. Jesus had a priority – and that was to proclaim the Kingdom to the Jewish people. And that meant other things were excluded. So too, if we value, and are realistic and sensible about our Family Life– we should come to the conclusion that we can only do so much. And maybe you’re doing too much! Its great for our children to have all these wonderful opportunities to indulge every whim and fancy in every conceivable activity - but stop and think for a moment – is it really worth it, is it necessary? So set some realistic priorities and boundaries. What are the really important things for you, your family and for your children? Go for those, and leave other things behind. You don’t have to cram a whole lifetime into the first 12 years of a child’s life. 2. Live within your financial means. The bible has a lot to say about our finances and how we should manage them, and living within our means. I say this deliberately because I have seen many families where in order to provide this or that for their children, the parents have to work longer and longer hours. In the end, the parents are depriving their children of the very thing which money cant buy – their time, their love and their attention. I think the greatest single change which many parents can make to improve the quality of their family life is for them to cut down – if at all possible – their work hours, to a realistic level so that they can be home with their children and nurture and enjoy them and have fun with them personally. And that means living within ones financial means. 3.Develop Biblical Relationships in your family life. The Biblical relationship between husband and wife is one of mutual love, respect, submission and support. Ephesians chapter 5 and 6 is very clear about the dynamics of family relationships, how husbands and wives are to treat one another, and how they are to treat their children. Courses like ‘Parenting with Confidence’ can give a real boost to families and help them develop their Biblical understanding of what it means to be a husband, a wife, a parent, or a child. 4.Give your time and attention to each other. Parents may provide everything that money can buy for their children, but if they don’t give their own time and attention, then that child will be emotionally, socially and spiritually impoverished. More than the latest Playstation or Iphone, children want to have fun with their parents. They want to do mad things, silly things, exciting things, out of the ordinary things. Children most often want just the simple things of life - often as simple as a chase around the property with a water pistol, or a hose. But sometimes they want an adventure – a challenge - together as a family. A time away – a bush walk, a mountain climb, something that might stretch their endurance or their abilities – some challenge. And in this challenge they have their parent’s time and attention. And you can be sure that they won’t forget it! At the end of the day, when your children are grown up, will they be able to look back on their childhood and reminisce about the good times they had with mum and dad? – or grandma and granddad? One of the many blessings which we now have with our family, when we all get together from time to time, is when we start ‘remembering when’ – talking about events , and happenings, and experiences the children had when they were small. They remember them well! And they were simple things like catching eels, or camping, or caravanning, or taking what appeared to be a shortcut on the map, to get to our houseboat holiday, only to find – ½ an hour down the metal road that that it had turned more into a goat track and probably took us an hour longer than if we had followed the main road! And sometimes the memories are of things even a little dangerous - like taking a shortcut through the corner of a bull paddock on a friends farm with the bull looking decidedly angry with the intrusion. It is those things where we spent time together which they remember most, and which probably did more to nurture family life than any thing else which money could buy. So : 1/ Set some realistic Priorities. 2/ Live within your financial means. 3/ Develop biblical relationships within the family. & 4/ Give time and attention to each other. My concluding words are simply this – Spend time with your kids ! - for if you don’t spend time with them now – they will hardly be interested in spending time with you later! |
