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BLESSING AND FORGIVENESS Romeo and Juliet is a saga of generation after generation of intransigence, pointless feuding, broken community and tragic outcomes all because of a lack of forgiveness. Today we have read two bible stories, that I have thoroughly enjoyed spending time this week comparing and contrasting. I find it so exciting that these two stories are so very similar in the truths about forgiveness that they reveal. One is from the Old Testament and the other from the New Testament. In the first story from Genesis we read of how Joseph’s brothers discover that ironically the powerful Egyptian prince from whom they have come to beg help, is actually their brother whom they wronged many years ago. “I am Joseph” he exclaimed “How is my father?” We read that as Joseph observed their anguish at this discovery, he was filled with compassion and embraced his brothers, while the brothers became deeply uncomfortable as they remembered how badly they had treated Joseph . Their shame distressed them and their regret at what they had done made them angry with themselves. In that moment, I am sure they would have felt that their fates hung in the balance and a betting man would have been pessimistic about their futures. Imagine their dismay when Joseph far from punishing them welcomes them and invites them to come and live with him and undertakes to provide for them, thus rescuing them from the crippling famine which was threatening to destroy them. So, the story ends well. Forgiveness and reconciliation is achieved because of Joseph’s compassion and amazing generosity and a good outcome is achieved from the traumatic experience he had as a child: kidnapped, physically abused and then sold into slavery by his own siblings. The second story from Luke’s gospel tells a similar tale of alienation, forgiveness and reconciliation. Jesus tells the parable of the precocious son who rudely demanded his share of the inheritance, went and squandered it and when as in the first story famine hit the land, became destitute. His shame was exacerbated by the fact that the only paid employment he could find was feeding the pigs, a desperately shameful occupation for a Jew. Filled with regret and remorse he returned home. His father on seeing his son coming down the path is filled with compassion and runs to embrace him weeping with joy. His father bestows upon his son, the same amazing generous protection and provision Joseph afforded his brothers. Like Joseph, the father’s compassion and amazing generosity lead to forgiveness and reconciliation and this story also ends well, in spite of the older brother’s petulance. In each story an important choice was made by the people who had been wronged. In each case they chose to forgive those who had wronged them and healing ensued. Had they chose differently, each story would have ended tragically. Had Joseph not forgiven his brothers Jacob would have been bereft of his favourite son and the whole course of the history of God’s chosen people would have been different. The fractured family relationships would have remained so and bitterness, feuding and broken community would have been the outcome. Similarly, had the boy’s father chosen to be unforgiving, he would have grieved for his lost son for the rest of his life and the sad boy would have remained alienated from his family. What made all the difference was that Joseph and the Prodigal son’s father made a choice to forgive the ones who had wronged them. So situations that had been life diminishing were transformed into situations that were life giving. Yet forgiveness is one of those things more easily spoken about than done. Human relationships are often difficult. People hurt us and we hurt others in a myriad of ways. Betrayal, aggression, and just plain insensitivity are everywhere to be found. Whether you’ve been cut off in traffic, slighted by a family member, betrayed by a spouse, or badmouthed by a co-worker or school friend, most of us are faced almost on a daily basis with a variety of situations over which we can choose to harbour a grudge or to be forgiving. This begs the question, what does it mean to forgive others and even ourselves? The original and proper use of the phrase ‘to forgive an offense’ is to send it away, to reject it, not to impute it to the offender. It is not to be confused with condoning the wrong that someone has done to us: “That’s OK. Why not do it again?” Nor with the idea that we somehow surrender our right to justice if we forgive someone who has wronged us. Forgiveness is deciding to release, to send away the emotions that grip us when we dwell on the fact that we have been wronged. Rather like dropping a leaf into a flowing stream. What makes forgiveness so difficult is that it is hard to let go of those emotions and our pride and our inherent self protective instincts that tell us that it is personally dangerous for us to take the risk of forgiveness. But we all know in our heart of hearts that we must eventually forgive those who have wronged us. There are a number of good reasons why this is so:
Clearly the most compelling theological reason for choosing to forgive is simply that since Jesus died to forgive us our sins, who are we to refuse to forgive the sins of others? Because God forgives us because God is love and it is in the nature of divine love to be compassionate, merciful and forgiving. We are made in the image of God who gives us life and so it follows that it is life giving for us to forgive in love as God forgives. In the parable the Father forgave the son for no reason other than that he loved him. And God forgives us because he loves us. So it follows that if we are to love as he loves then we need to be forgiving also. It is one of the foundational biblical understandings that failing to forgive, poisons our souls and sabotages our happiness. Believers have always understood that forgiveness is a religious obligation of love that we owe to the person who has offended us. Throughout his brief public ministry, Jesus demonstrated and emphasized over and over again the power and necessity of forgiveness. And if we are to become more Christ like then we must be prepared to love as he loved and forgive as he forgave. “Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.”
Recent psychological research on forgiveness is beginning to substantiate that the giving of grace and release to another, promotes personal, physical, relational, and social well-being. Dr Glen Harnden of the University of Kansas states: “Forgiveness not only heightens the potential for reconciliation, but also releases the offended from prolonged anger, rage, and stress that have been linked to physiological problems, such as cardiovascular diseases, high blood pressure and other psychosomatic illnesses”.
We read early on in Genesis that God says, “it is not good for man to be alone I will give him a helpmate”. ‘No man is an island sufficient unto himself.’ John Donne. God has designed us to live in families and communities. However, because we are all fallible, we make mistakes. If God had not blessed us with the ability to forgive each other, we could not live together in loving and caring relationships. So even though forgiving people is not always easy clearly it is essential that we do so for forgiveness is life enhancing while a lack of forgiveness is life diminishing. Let’s look again at the story in Genesis. Reading this story at least 4 valuable truths about forgiveness. Which we could apply to our own lives and relationships:
We notice in the story that Joseph expresses himself. He states clearly the way in which he was wronged. “I am Joseph your brother whom you sold into slavery”.
Joseph looks for the positive. He reframes what has happened and finds his strength and power by finding the gift in what has happened to him. ‘God sent me ahead of you to save lives, to preserve for you a remnant to save your lives by a great deliverance.’
When Joseph saw his brothers he was filled with compassion and embraced his brothers and wept. From the story we learn the need to Cultivate empathy. While you don’t have to agree with what the other person did to you, when working on how to forgive, it often helps to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Instead of seeing them as ‘the enemy,’ try to understand the factors that they were dealing with. Were they going through a particularly difficult time in their lives? Have you ever made similar mistakes? Try to remember the other person’s good qualities, assume that their motives were not to purposely cause you pain (unless you have clear indicators otherwise), and you may find it easier to forgive.
Joseph did not go it alone he made sure that he remained closely linked in to God and the power of His Holy Spirit. The lesson for us is Don’t go it alone. Make sure you pray and that you have the prayer support of others to assist you as you endeavour to forgive.
If right now you are in a place where you may need to start on a journey of forgiveness of someone who has wronged you or even forgiveness of yourself, then perhaps you might like to silently say this prayer after me. It is the forgiveness prayer and it goes like this: “Lord Jesus, I believe you are the Son of God. Thank you for forgiving my sins. Please help me to forgive those who have sinned against me that I might enjoy the abundant life you have promised me and serve you joyfully in the world. Amen. |
