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Thinking Clearly About Your Relationships
I want to make a change to the
title of the sermon today. In the Pew Sheet it says “Thinking Clearly about
our Relationships". In light of the fact that we all struggle a little bit,
let's set a more realistic goal. Before the word "clearly" add the word - "slightly”
What are Relationships? Relationships are those areas of life where you and I probably struggle with the greatest highs and also the greatest lows of life. 1 Corinthians 13:13 says “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love”. What’s love got to do with it? The answer of course – is “Everything”. The greatest experiences, the greatest thrills, the greatest joys that have come into your life and mine have come as a result of relationships and through love. Yet there's also the other side. There's also those incredible lows that are expressed in Galatians 5:15 -“If you go on hurting each other and tearing each other apart, be careful or you will completely destroy each other.” That’s also what can happen in relationships. So what do you do when things aren't going great? What do you do when you're faced with frustration, or when you're overwhelmed by hurt or anger, or when you're filled with apathy and you just don't care any more? Fortunately, God in His word, gives us some advice. So today we will look at some practical advice from God's Word as to how to get through the tough days in a relationship. 1. YOU THANK GOD FOR OUR DIFFERENCES. Some of the greatest frustration that we face in relationships – and most of these are in the area of male/female relationships – are because we are different. Not just physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. We think differently. We work differently. We shop differently. We even watch television differently! And we also get frustrated by the difference, don’t we? But God had a purpose in making men and women different – and it was not to frustrate us but to complete us. Often Dianne gives me ideas and suggestions that I would never have though of myself –and that helps me grow in a way that would never otherwise happen. One of the greatest moral choices we’ll ever make is to thank God for our differences. That's one of the things that makes relationships work. Paul, in his letter to the Romans 15:7 - says - "Accept one another then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. When I accept you as different, the Bible says that brings praise to God. Why? Because He made us to be different.. So – 1/ - Thank God for your differences. Well, how about those times when it's not the differences that frustrating you but the disappointments - the faults of the other person!. What do you do then? Well - 2. YOU GO TO GOD WITH YOUR DISAPPOINTMENTS. Ephesians 4:2,-says –“Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love." That's what love does – it makes allowances for somebody else's faults. Notice it doesn’t say, "make excuses for somebody else's faults." Making allowance for somebody else's faults means you recognize that it takes time and patience for them and for us to grow. So when you're disappointed in a relationship, the best thing to do is to go to God with your disappointments. I wonder how many of us are disappointed in our relationships because we actually have an unrealistic view of relationships? We think they ought to be perfect! We think the other person ought to be perfect! We think – or maybe we USED to think –we we're going to have a perfect wedding, a perfect honeymoon, come back to a perfect house, a perfect kitchen, and we're going to raise perfect kids and they're going to go off to their perfect lives and we're going to sail off to a perfect retirement! Dianne and I celebrated our 38th Wedding Anniversary this past week and it reminded me that just the day after we were married I came down with a raging fever – and I began to mumble and talk gibberish in my feverish sleep and almost hallucinate. Dianne wondered who on earth she had married! I think she still wonders that at times! But life is not perfect, is it? - and when our relationships aren’t perfect and we get disappointed the best thing we can do is to go to God with our disappointments. People, no matter what we think of them, are actually imperfect. Only God is perfect! Only God can be always there for you! Only God will never fail you! So what do you do? You let Him meet the needs that only He can meet in your life. And you let Him give you the strength and the power to love in a way you've never loved before. So 1/ We thank God for our differences; 2/ We Go to God with our Disappointments. But what about those times when you don't think or feel anything any more; – when there is just apathy towards each other? What do you do then? Well in this situation you -- 3. TRUST GOD WITH YOUR FEELINGS When we don't feel anything, remember that we have a God who can be trusted to restore those feelings. Psalm 61:8, "Trust God all the time. Tell Him all your problems because God is our protection. " There are times when the feeling is gone and all you have left is the action. What do you do then? Well the only way then for the feeling to be restored is to act in love. If you continue to act in love – as IF you love - eventually the feelings will come back. Lamentations 5 says, "Turn us around and bring us back to You again. That is our only hope. Give us back the joys we used to have”. That's a verse about our relationship with God. For some of you, that's where you need to start. Ask Him to bring back the joys you used to have in your relationship with Him. Once you've done that, ask Him to bring back the joys you used to have in your relationship with other people. Trust God with your feelings. No one is better than God at turning things around. 4. ASK GOD FOR HIS DIRECTION God is the one who invented relationships – whether it be marriage, families, friendships - yet sometimes we fail to ask the expert for advice when we most need it. He's willing to give it. James 1:6,---“If you need wisdom, if you want to know what God wants you to do, ask Him and He will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking. But when you ask Him, be sure that you really expect Him to answer. The key words here are “Ask Him!” How do we get through this problem? Ask Him, "What should I say to my children in this situation? ... How do we get over this block in our friendship?" Ask Him! Then note the phrase that follows - "And He will gladly tell you!" The question we often ask is “How will God tell us His answer?” Well, there are two usual ways in which God does that - 1/. You hear it through this book, the Bible . This book is filled with advice. Some of it may not be easy to take, but it is good advice, and we would do well to follow it; 2/. The next place you look for advice is from other believers, other people who are trying to follow His word for their lives. I'd look for people who already have some good relationships, a good track record, people who are trying humbly to say, "God, what do You want me to do in my relationships?" So: 1/ Thank God for our Differences. 2/. Go to God with your Disappointments. 3/Trust God with your Feelings, 4/ Ask God for His Direction , and then 5. LOOK TO JESUS AS YOUR EXAMPLE. Why do we do that? Because at our core we all struggle with selfishness. All of us do. Let's admit that! When we look to Jesus as our example – keeping our eyes firmly fixed on Him– then we will find an example and a power that can help us begin to make UNselfish choices. And that can create an incredible change in our lives. Jesus came to live in this world so that you and I could have a relationship with Him here and now, and in our relationship with Him, have the power and strength to make at least one more UNselfish choice which I might not otherwise make this coming week. I heard a story this week about a couple of little boys - Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3 – who are sitting down to breakfast. Their mum is making them pancakes. She brings in the first pancake and they both grab for it. The mum decides this is a great moment to teach them a moral lesson. She says, "If Jesus were here, He would give His brother the first pancake. Then He'd sit and wait patiently." So Kevin looks at his little brother and says, "Ryan, you be Jesus." Isn't that one of the great questions of life? Who's going to be Jesus in your situation- in your relationship? Who is going to be the first to consider the other. Who is going to be the first to reach out in love and consideration? That’s what Jesus call us to do in all our relationships. You find the power to do that through your relationship with Him. Let us pray: "God, help us to be less selfish in our relationships. Help us to find in You the strength and the power to make unselfish choices. Help us, not only look to You as an example, but to find in You somebody who loves us, who's willing to forgive us, direct and guide us. We ask these things in Jesus' name. Amen." |
